The Strifes and the Wallaces: Ep.2- Lost Aeris
by CloudStryfe
Summary: The gang is nothing without Aeris! Where did she go all of a sudden? Why didn't she make breakfast? It's up to everyone to find out...except Tifa!
1. Everything's normal

The Strifes and the Wallaces Episode 2  
  
  


The Strifes and the Wallaces,  
they live together,  
in their humble home.  
But this is where their annoying neighbor,  
SEPHIROTH,  
comes to roam.  
When they say,  
"GO HOME SEPHIROTH!",  
then he crys.  
They all hope he falls off a cliff and diiiiiieeeesss!  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Cloud: Oh crap! IT HURTS SO MUCH!  
  
Aeris: Hold still or it might get stuck to deep.  
  
Cloud: I think it's as deep as it can go!  
  
Aeris: Well maybe if we work together, we can pull it out.  
  
Cloud: Alright on the count of three...  
  
Tifa was listening right outside the door.  
  
Tifa: Now it's time, I have the camera ready...  
  
Aeris: 1...2...  
  
Then Tifa burst in through the door with the camera to her eye.  
  
Tifa: GOTCHA!  
  
Aeris: 3!  
  
Cloud: OWWW! Oh, that feels better!  
  
Tifa: Huh?  
  
Aeris: Oh, hi Tifa. Cloud had a splinter in his toe.  
  
Tifa: I see well, uh...bye!  
  
**********  
Barret: Fetch Red!  
  
RedXIII: ARF!  
  
Barret: Why is it you say "ARF" all the time.  
  
RedXIII: I dunno.  
  
Barret: Did you just talk?  
  
RedXIII: I-I mean ARF!  
  
Barret: Better, now let's keep it that way.  
  
RedXIII: ARF!  
  
Barret: I wonder what Tifa's doing? Usually by now she's trying to get it on with Cloud.  
  
**********  
Sephiroth: Geez, these lava lamps are confusing.  
  
Something rang.  
  
Sephiroth: Oh, my socks are ready!  
  
Jenova: Sephy! Get mommy her wet rag on a stick!  
  
Sephiroth: But ma! My socks are ready for racing!  
  
Jenova: I thought I told you not to race your socks again! Remember what happend last time?  
  
Sephiroth: Yes, the eggs got cold and made the rocks go everywhere!  
  
Jenova: Yep, that reminds me, did you clean up the rocks?  
  
Sephiroth: Yes, my feet are now warm.  
  
Jenova: Nevermind about the rag, I need you to scrape off my buttcrust.  
  
Sephiroth: But ma, the cats are flying on the ground!  
  
Jenova: Yes dear, but the buttcrust is just gonna keep getting crustier by the minute!  
  
Sephiroth: Oh dear, my spaghetti is hard.  
  
**********  
Cloud: Barret?  
  
Barret: Yeah?  
  
Cloud: Why do you always hang around Red?  
  
Barret: I dunno, he puts up a good argument about politics  
  
Red: ARF! BARK BARK!  
  
Barret: Yes, I voted for Gore also.  
  
Cloud: Barret, he didn't say anything...  
  
Barret: Of course he did!  
  
Red: RUFF! ARF!  
  
Barret: I know, I know! But I think Gore was just associated with the Internet, I don't think he created it!  
  
Cloud: Um...yes...he did actually...  
  
Barret: You stay out of this!  
  
Cloud: Alright, alright!  
  
Red: ARF ARF!  
  
Barret: NO RED! Lincoln was the first president!  
  
  
  
  



	2. Tifa's Lair

Chapter 2 of Lost Aeris!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
_Everyone sat down at the table awaiting breakfast._  
  
Cloud: Ya know, Aeris does a lot for us, and we never say thanks.  
  
Barret: Yeah, you're right, Cloud. Let's all give her a _big _smile when she comes down!  
  
Red: ARF!  
  
Tifa: Grr...you never smile at me, Cloud!  
  
Cloud: That's because you never do anything for us!  
  
Barret: Okay everyone, i hear someone walking down the stairs...smile!  
  
_Everyone smiled except Tifa, who pulled down her skirt and showed her butt._  
  
_Then, Sephiroth walked down the stairs and looked at everyone.  
_  
Sephiroth: Hello sparkly whites! And pimple head!  
  
Cloud: Oh God, it's just Sephiroth...  
  
Barret: Well, I guess he can smile to!  
  
Tifa: Grr...*takes a deep breath*, GO HOME SEPH--  
  
_Cloud covered Tifa's mouth.  
  
_Cloud: Shut up, Tifa!  
  
Tifa: Oh Cloud!!!!  
  
_Tifa jumped on Cloud and licked him then Cloud shoved her off.  
  
_Cloud: AHHHH! She licked me!  
  
Red: *sniff sniff* ARF BARK!  
  
Barret: Red says you smell like fish and gasoline!  
  
Cloud: Sephiroth, sit down and smile when Barret says!  
  
Sephiroth: *sits* Easy squeezy lemon peasy!  
  
Barret: Alright, smile!  
  
_Everyone smiled except Tifa, who mooned again.  
  
They smiled for eight hours until someone spoke up.  
  
_Cloud: I don't think she's coming *stopped smiling as well as everyone else*  
  
Barret: Where can she be? She always gives us breakfast!  
  
Cloud: Alright everyone! SEARCH!  
  
_Everyone, except Tifa, looked all around the house.  
  
_Sephiroth: *cracks an egg* I found her!!!  
  
Cloud: Where?  
  
Sephiroth: *points to the egg* There!  
  
Cloud: Grr...well, there's only one place to look now! Bum, bum, bum...Tifa's room...  
  
Tifa: *runs in front of Cloud* No, no, heh. You don't want to look in there!  
  
Cloud: And why not? *pushes Tifa out of the way*  
  
Barret: I'm coming with you! I'm not letting my best friend go alone!  
  
_Independent music plays.  
  
_Red: Arf, bark bark...ruff! Bark ruff ruff arf! Ruff! Bark! Arf! Arf, arf, arf...ruff bark arf!!!  
  
Barret: *cries* That was...beautiful Red...  
  
Sephiroth: *cries* It got me right there...*points to his crotch*  
  
Cloud: Umm...yeah, whatever...let's go!  
  
_Cloud, Sephiroth, Barret, and Red climbed up the stairs and arrived at Tifa's door.  
  
_Barret: Hey Cloud, we gotta be careful, we dunno what could be on the other side!  
  
Cloud: You mean, you've never been on Tifa'a side of the room?  
  
Barret: Hell no! God knows what can be lurking in there!  
  
Sephiroth: Buttons?  
  
Red: ARF! *bites Sephiroth's butt*  
  
Sephiroth: Ah...he likes me!  
  
Barret: Red! Down!  
  
Cloud: Okay guys, here goes nothing! *turns the knob* AHHHH!!!!!  
  
_Naked pictures of the old lady from Titanic are hung on the wall.  
  
_Barret: *runs in front of it* Uh...heh-heh, we're still on my side of the room!  
  
Cloud: Jeez Barret, I never knew!  
  
Sephiroth: I like lucky ducks!  
  
_Everyone blinks.  
  
_Cloud: Anyways, Tifa's side is over there...let's go!  
  
_Everyone goes except Barret.  
  
_Barret: *rubs the picture* It's okay baby, I won't let them find out about us! *runs to Cloud and the others*  
  
Cloud: Well, it isn't as bad as I thought!  
  
Barret: It gets worse man, just keep going.  
  
Red: Whimper....  
  
Cloud: *walks further* AH! It smells like old cheese and ass!  
  
_They walk further into Tifa's Lair and decide to rest.  
  
_Barret: Hey, let's put up camp here, I'm pooped!  
  
Sephiroth: Yes, the dogs are running calmly in the snail!  
  
Cloud: Umm...yeah, okay Barret. I agree with you! *sets up his camp as well as everyone else*  
  
_  
_  
  
_  
  
  
  
_


	3. The Finding Aeris

Part 3 of Lost Aeris  
  
(Sorry I made you wait soooo long!)  
  
When we last left our freaks...they were camping out in Tifa's Lair. Now they're ready to wake their lazy asses up!  
  
  
  
Cloud: *yawns* M'kay guys, we're off!  
  
Barret: *snores* Oh, old lady from Titanic...you're so kinky!  
  
Cloud: Umm...good to know, what about you, Sephiroth?  
  
Sephiroth: *pops up* Erect nipple! *falls back down*  
  
Cloud: A normal person would be surprised...okay, Red should be ready!  
  
Red: *snore* Arrrfff....Barkkkkk.....  
  
Cloud+Barret: AWWW! C'mon Red we didn't need to hear that!  
  
Red: Sorry...  
  
Barret: *glares at Red* What was that, Red?  
  
Red: I mean...ARF! -Why do I stoop so low........-  
  
Cloud: Okay, remember, we gotta save Aeris! *begins to leave*  
  
Barret: Wait! What about Sephiroth?  
  
Cloud: Pfft...let the man sleep! And may he dream of big women! Or men...I dunno what his deal is...  
  
Barret: Okay, c'mon Red!  
  
Red: RUFF RUFF! -I feel as if I'm a slave to this old lady loving, politic obsessed, african-american doofus...-  
  
They all continue to walk along the lair and run into a wall.  
  
Cloud: Awww crap! We came this far to reach a wall! Dammit!  
  
Barret: Cool down, Cloud. I'm sure there's a way around it!  
  
Red: *happily* ARF RUFF! -Yeah right you fart monger...-  
  
Cloud: I just know Aeris is here! If I don't find her...I'll have to MARRY TIFA!  
  
The wall opens...  
  
Barret: Hmm...I guess it was run on a password!  
  
Red: BARK! -Really, you just noticed that?-  
  
Cloud: Strange, I thought Sephiroth would have caught up by now!  
  
Barret: Ya think he's dreaming of big men named Moe? Who you become his bitch on the very first day in prison!!!!  
  
Cloud: Yer just basing that on something that happened to you, right?  
  
Barret: *hangs head* Yes...but I only dropped my soap once! And not on purpose like Richard Long who's jail name was Long Schlong!  
  
Cloud: I believe you Barret!  
  
Barret: Good, I just wanted you to know.  
  
Cloud: Okay, better be alert, we dunno what might pop out! * advances into the dark along with Red*  
  
Barret: *opens a book with some pictures in it* I'll never forget you, Moe... *kisses it*  
  
Cloud: *as he walks, fire is lit* Barret! Control your farts!  
  
Barret: *blushes* Sorry.....  
  
Red: ARF, ARF, RUFF, BARK! -Jesus Christ! Get some Beano!-  
  
A lot of fires are lit and there Aeris is, tied up to a chair and gagged.  
  
Cloud: AERIS!!!!!!  
  
Aeris: Fkj;imfmnmfgpihnsfdoist'ndsgnflinbisrltmdlhfgkjd5nuidfvjkdf!!!  
  
Cloud: What?  
  
Aeris: *spits out gag* Sorry about that...Cloud! Help me!  
  
Cloud: Don't worry! *goes to untie the ropes and smells that nasty smell again*  
  
Barret: Eww! It's the old cheese and ass smell!  
  
A giant butt and giant slice of chess jump out.  
  
Cloud: Oh my dear God! It's old cheese and ass!  
  
Ass: Yes, I am Sir Assalot!  
  
Cheese: And I am Sir Dairy Air  
  
Cloud: Why did you capture Aeris?  
  
Assalot: Well, it was Master Tiffany's idea!  
  
Dairy Air: Yes! She will greatly reward us!  
  
Cloud: Is that a fact? What will she reward you with, eh?  
  
Assalot: Well, umm...we haven't gone over profit yet but she said to exterminate any who oppose us!  
  
Cloud: Okay then! *takes out Buster Sword*  
  
Dairy Air: Let's make this quick! Cheesy Butt attack!  
  
Dairy Air jumps onto Sir Assalot and melts, making a cheesy butt.  
  
Sephiroth: *sleep walking* Mommy! You have a cheesy buttcrust again!  
  
Dairy Air+Assalot: Who is this buffoon?!  
  
Red: ARF ARF RUFF! –Great, this'll make things easier…-  
  
Dairy Air+Assalot: We will destroy him! *Charges at Sephiroth*  
  
Cloud: Heh, they don't know that Sephiroth its an incompetent ass!  
  
Sephiroth: Buttcrust!!!  
  
*Sephiroth and Assalot/Dairy Air collide in an explosion of cheesy, ass- like disaster*  
  
Dairy Air+Assalot: NO! His cheese grater is too powerful for our cheesy apocalypse! NOOOOO! *disappears*  
  
Cloud: *raises a brow* Now that isn't something you see everyday. Now we gotta untie…  
  
Tifa: Not so fast, spikey boy! You may have destroyed my cheesy, ass smelling minions…but your precious Aeris won't not leave this place alive!  
  
Cloud: That's a double negative Tifa, you basically just said you're going to let her go.  
  
Tifa: Wha…uh…but…thing…like…man…*drools dumbly*  
  
Sephiroth: *covered in cheese* I think Tifa has a good point! *picks nose*  
  
Barret: Go home Sephiroth!  
  
Sephiroth: WAHHHHHHH!!! WHOA! *splat*  
  
Cloud: Anyway, what're you gonna do?  
  
Tifa: Well…uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh…I isn't not gonna let her go!  
  
Cloud: …..I pay your rent.  
  
Tifa: True….curse you Cloud! I'll get you next time!! *disappears in a puff or cheese smoke*  
  
*Tifa is still standing there*  
  
Tifa: Uhhhhh…. *runs*  
  
Barret: Wow, that wasn't as hard as I had expected…  
  
Cloud: Yeah, a bit too easy…BUM BUM BUM! Oh well. *unties Aeris*  
  
Aeris: Cloud! I love you! *XO's Cloud*  
  
Cloud: It's great to see you again my lovely wife!  
  
Aeris: Hey! Let's have dinner! On me!  
  
Barret+Red: YAH!…ARF!  
  
Cloud: Good, I'm kinda broke…  
  
Aeris: No, I mean literally…  
  
Audience: Oooooooo…!  
  
Cloud: Shut up…  
  
Barret: That's sounds cool!  
  
Cloud: Heh-heh, nice try buddy!  
  
Audience: *laughter*  
  
*credits role and the theme song begins*  
  
  
  
BUM BUM, BUM BUM BUM BUM, BUM  
  
The Strifes and The Wallaces,  
  
They live together,  
  
In their humble home.  
  
But this is where their annoying neighbor,  
  
SEPHIROTH,  
  
Comes to roam.  
  
When they say,"Go home, Sephiroth!"  
  
The-e-en he cries,  
  
They all hope he runs off a cliff and diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiies!!!!  
  
Yeah! 


End file.
